Falling Back

Not getting what you need 
hits the brick wall, 
shattering the hopes 
and expectations
like glass propelled by a rocket 
without a parachute.
I feel like a failure.  
Like I can’t do this anymore.
Somehow, my distorted view 
of who I should be
doesn’t match with who I am.


Boom! The rocket’s launched, 
glass bottle on top.


Why do I feel so lost?  
I can’t seem to get it together.
Then sadness and depression hits, 
when relief does not come.
Frustration with self to push down 
the walls of soldier on and I can do it all.
Why is the call for help so hard? 
Boundaries so hard to define, 
enforcement a control freak mess.
I hate myself sometimes. 


The rocket fuel burns out. 


I do my best to move onward, 
like a baby moving down the birth canal 
each step I take, I am sucked two steps back.
It is painful to feel.  
I need self-love and gratitude.
So drained of energy. 


Glass bottle plummets 
with its booster.


I need to find happy, 
after this spiral dive 
into sadness and anger.


Glass hits the ground,
surrendering its feeble parts 
in an unshakable quake.


Come out of this!  
You are stronger than you think.
You can get what you need. 


Why can’t I allow myself to feel? 


Lean into the pain 
like I encourage my children to do. 
Allow the shards to rest 
in their brokenness 
before the clean-up crew 
comes to take them away